Tyler Perry is reflecting on his mental health journey following the death of Stephen "tWitch" Boss.
In a video posted to Instagram Dec. 14, the filmmaker expressed his "shock" following the dancer's death by suicide at age 40 on Dec. 13. Noting he met Boss only a few times, Perry said the former Ellen DeGeneres Show DJ "was always full of life and seemed like such a light."
Looking back at his own past, Perry stated that he had previously attempted to take his life.
"I just want to take you back to a time in my life where I tried to commit suicide a couple of times because it was so dark I didn't think it would get any better," he shared. "I had endured so much pain, so much abuse, sexual abuse. It was all so hard to just move through that I thought the only way to make this better, this pain go away, is to end my life."
However, Perry is grateful to be alive. "Had any of those attempts happened, I would have missed the best part of my life," he said. "I know you may be going through some things, I know you may seem like there's no hope, but please reach out to someone."
After sharing the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, Perry noted what helped him get through dark times.
"What I realize now, looking back on all those dark times, is sometimes the pain is a buy-in," he said. "I know that's hard to understand. Not all the time, sometimes, the pain is a buy-in. That's the way I had to learn to look at it to get through it."
"What I mean by that is, all that pain, all of that hell, all of that struggle, if I had given up, if I had stopped, I wouldn't have seen the better part of my life," Perry further explained. "So I was buying into something. I was paying for something. I know that doesn't make sense to a lot of people. But for me, it was the way that I was able to rationalize it, to be able to move through the pain—knowing that if I could just get through this moment and get through this moment, there's got to be something better."
And things did get better for Perry. "My life now, I'm the happiest I've ever been," he said. "Life is full of joy and love—things I never thought I'd get to."
Encouraging those struggling with suicidal ideation to reach out for help, Perry said, "Don't let the darkness stop you from getting to this incredible place of light," and pointed to himself as proof it's possible to get to the other side of those feelings.
"Let's end this new year loving us, loving on each other, encouraging ourselves because this is gonna take that from within," he concluded. "God bless you. Rest in peace, tWitch."